Been a while since I've even checked this blog.

I just wanted to say I've decided to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It takes me a month just to finish one chapter, but I'm gonna give it my best and attempt to write a whole novel in a month.

My main problem right now is that I have about five million plot ideas, and I can't decide on one. So I started writing them all, and lost interest after the first paragraph.

American Idol needs to come back already.

I just read my last blog, and it made me laugh.

"I'm not so sure if Kris will make it..." Ha. Of course he won after I said that. I jinxed it.

I'm ashamed to admit, I did have a minor temper tantrum at first...if by temper tantrum you mean arguing with my sister that Adam should've won. I'm completely over it now, and honestly it didn't matter who won...I feel slightly guilty for saying this, but I do kinda believe that Kris needed it more. Like last year, I was glad David Cook won, because he had the excuse of being the American Idol, which I didn't think Archie really needed. But I'm still happy for Kris and it's not like he didn't deserve to win. I was just voting for Adam most of the time.

I'm so happy it was them in the finale together. How is it that the two seasons I actually watch American Idol, my top two favorites end up as the final 2? Am I really lucky or is America just getting smart about who to vote for?

Speaking of America,I know by now everyone in this country has probably blogged about Adam being gay, but I'm just gonna say one thing. I know pretty much everyone at my church was voting (if they were voting at all) for Kris because he's a Christian, but it kinda pisses me off. I've heard people literally say "I don't like Adam because he's gay" and I felt like smacking them. The fact that he happens to like guys doesn't change his voice or talent. If you don't like him because he's not your style of music, fine. But you shouldn't not vote for someone just because they're gay.

And while I'm on that subject, I just wanna say that if you're a Christian and you actually don't like Adam because of that, I really hope you don't listen to any secular music. Homosexuality is a sin just like any other (which I can prove with bible verses....but I'm way too tired for debates, so whatever if you don't agree), so how can you listen to non-Christian music yet condemn Adam's music because he's not a believer? God told us to love, and love everyone, especially those who aren't in Christ.

I'm not sure if any of that made sense or came out the way I wanted it to...I just felt the need to blog and this has been on my mind for a while. Sorry if I offended you, but I'm gonna stick up for what I believe...and I believe Adam is awesome because of his voice, not because of his lifestyle.

Course I'm sure he broke a bunch of fangirls hearts...myself included of course .

I'm gonna shut up now before I start rambling...or rather continue rambling.

So I'm kind of addicted to Twitter right now. I didn't get it in the beginning, but now I finally understand why everyone's so obsessed. Lol.

I followed Meg Cabot on Twitter, and I don' t know, maybe she follows every person that follows her (she has almost the same amount of followers as the people she's following), but she started following me.

Now tell me, what would you give to have your favorite author follow you on Twitter?

I honestly believe Adam Lambert's going to win American Idol. I'm not just saying that because I like him, either. I'll be truly shocked if he doesn't win. Or at least make it to the finale. I'm hoping it'll be Adam and Kris in the finale, but I'm not so sure if Kris will make it...

My big obsession right now is the Phantom of the Opera. I keep watching the movie over and over; actually I started it last night and had to leave so I finished it last night, and I'm considering watching it again . Its on the credits right now.

The phaaaaaaaaaaaaantom of the opera is theeeeeeeeeere....inside my mind. *cough*

Movie's don't really make me cry that easily. The last movie I can remember making me tear up was Titanic, but only because of all the people dying, not having to do anything with Jack. But the more I watch Phantom the sadder it makes me every time, lol.

Also, Gerard Butler is really hot. And his voice is amazing.

Okay enough about that. Vote for Adam!

It's been forever since I've done just a normal blog, or at least it seems that way. I suppose I should update you on my obsessions, since that seems to be what this blog as always been about.

Right now my main obsessions are David Cook and David Archuleta. I don't know what much there is to say about them other than they're both amazing and I really wouldn't have cared who won American Idol. But I'm glad it was Cook.

Speaking of American Idol, I'm also obsessed with Adam Lambert. I have no clue why, but I'm just like...drawn to him. I'm already betting on him to win, because he really seems like he could do it. America loves him enough. I'm also rooting for Scott MacIntyer, mainly because he came to my church once to sing, him and his brother and his sister. His brother Todd is also coming back to our church to sing on Easter. My pastor tried to get Scott but he couldn't, since he's under contract with American Idol and whatever.

I think it's really cool that there's a Christian on AI. I mean, I know Jason Castro is a Christian, but he wasn't really open about his faith, and he didn't really talk about it. Maybe Scott could make a difference or something, I don't know. Maybe he'll be able to save some people that are on the show.

And now on the subject of Christianity, I really need to read my bible more often, 'cause when I do it seems that I'm a lot closer to God. I don't even know what it is, it's just like...reading God's words or something just reminds me that He's there or something. I went to camp ove the weekend, but I didn't get a whole lot out of it, while most of the people seemed to get so much out of it. It was probably because I wasn't reading my bible in my spare time, and a lot of what changed me last time I went to camp was the quiet times, which we didn't have at this one either. And the worship. I was on the worship team and can't really worship freely when I'm concentrating so hard on not messing up on the guitar. Not that I'm blaming that for me not getting anything out of camp. It was just part of the reason.

I'm gonna go before I start rambling; I'm not really sure what I'm writing right now. I'm kinda out of it.

The sequel to For Her....

The worst part about it was that she had to hear him sing.

She’d made a promise that she would come see him perform, and she wasn’t about to break that promise.

Still, it was probably going to kill her. He was singing the very song that made her realize he had a beautiful voice. It was the song that gave her goosebumps every time she heard it, but only when he was the one singing.

Amazing Grace.

She’d just have to find a way to deal with it, because despite how much she dreaded seeing him, no way would she back out on him.

She tried uselessly to just not be in love with him, but for her, it was like trying to not breathe.

If only they hadn’t almost kissed, she could keep pretending that he didn’t feel the same, or almost the same, and she could just tell herself to get over him since they’d never get together. Now she still had to tell herself they’d never be together, but she knew he wanted to be with her too.

So she started praying about it. She asked God to help her get over him, but despite how many times God had listened to her, she wasn’t sure He would this time.

The day arrived and she showed up. Before he went on, he gave her a smile that nearly broke her heart. His smile told her he loved her, but only as a friend. He’d said, “I love you” to her before, of course, but as a friend. The smile told her she was wrong about him sharing her feelings.

It told her they’d never be together.

She would’ve burst into tears right there, but she had to be strong; if not for herself, then for him. Because she couldn’t let him know that she was in love with him. He might never speak to her again if he knew that, and his friendship was way more important to her than his affection.

Still, it hurt her to know that he didn’t want her back.

His performance was breathtaking, as usual. She found herself closing her eyes, wishing she could go back to the time when she’d first heard him sing this song, before she’d even gotten to know him. Before she doomed herself to be in love with the one man she couldn’t have for the rest of her life.

When she opened her eyes, she saw that he was looking at her.

She was beautiful. He felt like she was out to torture him, as if she knew he was trying to ignore his feelings for her and get on with his life; let her get on with her own life. But she was making it impossible for him. The minute he saw her, he couldn’t breathe.

He smiled anyway, and took his spot on stage. He tried to ignore her, but found his eyes being drawn to her anyway, standing in the audience. He felt like there was a spotlight on her, pulling the attention away from him to her, but he knew this wasn’t true.

Her eyes were closed, and she looked lost in the moment.

She opened her eyes, and they stared at each other a moment before both looking away.

He had to talk to her eventually, and he decided to try to act normal. “Hey,” he said, putting his guitar down. “How are you?”

She ignored the urge to tell him the truth and responded with, “fine. That was…amazing.” On a normal day she still would’ve told him it was amazing, but now it felt too obvious.

He had to fight the urge to kiss her. He didn’t know how much longer he could be around her before taking back everything he’d said before, so he had to make up an excuse to get away. “Well um, I have to get up early tomorrow to um, go to the studio, so I should probably be getting home,” he said.

She looked at her feet. “Oh,” she replied, obviously disappointed. Every time he had to leave, she found herself wishing she could pause time and spend forever with him.

It was at that moment that he realized she was in love with him.

In her mind, later that night, he didn’t leave. In her mind, he stayed and told her that he was wrong; they weren’t wrong; they were both right for each other, and he’d made a mistake letting her leave.

In his mind, he hadn’t pulled back when they almost kissed.

There was no one around when she went to the park the next morning, which was just fine with her. She could think.

He intended to clear his mind of all thoughts, to try and forget about her for a little bit.

Both of their plans went out the window when they saw each other.

She couldn’t breathe, let alone think, and every memory they had together came rushing back to him.

It was a moment before either one of them spoke.

“I uh, didn’t expect to find you here,” she laughed nervously.

He smiled, something he couldn’t seem to stop doing around her. “Yeah, me either. Going for a walk?”

She nodded. She didn’t say anything after that, and he knew he would have to be the one to break the silence. He knew that sometimes she wanted to keep talking, but she just didn’t know what to say. “Maybe I could join you?” he asked quietly. She nodded again and started walking.

She was his best friend, and he wanted things to be normal between them. He knew that when she found someone else it would slowly kill him, but he’d have to deal with that when the time came. For now, he could handle being her friend.

She wished she could talk to him. Her best friend was walking right next to her, but she couldn’t tell him anything. Normally he’d listen and hug her and tell her it was going to be okay, but he was the source of the problem. Something in her snapped and she had to ask him.

She stopped walking suddenly, and his heart sped up when she turned to face him. “What happened?”

It wasn’t quite what he was expecting. “What?”

“Between us. You know. That night.”

He was scared this conversation might happen, and now that it was here, he couldn’t speak. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

She suddenly felt very shy and couldn’t believe she’d said anything. “Well, I uh, um…” She’d felt so confident a few seconds ago, but now she couldn’t find the right words.

“What night are you talking about?” He found it more difficult to lie to her than he thought it should be.

“That…that night,” she stammered, taken aback. She realized what was happening, and her face dropped. He was pretending that it never happened, and it hurt. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to be angry with him, and that scared her more than anything. “The night we…” she trailed off, unable to speak the next two words out loud. “Almost kissed.”

He looked away from her face and stared at the ground. “I think its best if we forget that ever happened,” he said, so quietly she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. He was sub-consciously hoping she wouldn’t hear him.

“Forget…about it?” She tried to keep her voice steady, but found this hard to do.

He made eye contact with her. “Yeah. Forget about it.” He didn’t know how he was even able to make the words come out of his mouth.

Suddenly, the heavens opened up and it started pouring rain. She knew it was silly to take the rain as a sign of disagreement about them forgetting about what happened, but she still couldn’t help wanting to.

He glanced up at the sky before looking back into her eyes, which were considerably darker than the last time he’d looked deeply into them, before…

They were both drenched, but neither of them was able to make a decision that would get them out of the rain.

He was too captivated by her gaze to even think, and she couldn’t seem to speak the words that she so wanted to say.

“I don’t want to forget about it, I love you…”

The words just wouldn’t come out.

“You’re soaking wet,” he said suddenly.

She couldn’t do anything but reply with, “I know.”

He looked at her for a few more seconds, wondering at how someone had taken such a hold on him in such a short amount of time. “You might catch a cold,” he said then, confused at why he was suddenly worried about her health.

The first thing that came to her mind to say was the truth. “I don’t care.”

“Why not?” he asked, genuinely puzzled.

She paused then, trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t scare him off. She finally decided to just tell him the truth, even if it caused him to walk away. “Because I’m with you. And when I’m with you, it doesn’t really matter what else happens.” Her heart was racing as each word came out of her mouth.

His heart nearly broke when she said this. He had to do what was best for her, but he could tell she loved him back. What if he was wrong, and walking away wasn’t the best thing for her?

She took his silence as a bad thing. “I mean…I’m really sorry,” she said quietly before turning and starting to walk away.

“Wait,” he whispered. She looked down at the hand that had grabbed her wrist, scared to look up and meet his gaze.

When she didn’t reply, he went on. “I’m really sorry I haven’t been talking to you much lately,” he said. “Things have just been, well, complicated.”

She still didn’t look up.

“I…I’m really sorry.” Getting worried, he bent his head to try to make eye contact with her. “Please look at me,” he added, his eyes pleading.

Finally, she looked up and their eyes met. In an instant, both of them could tell what was going to happen next.

Slowly, he slid his hand down her wrist until he was holding her hand. “The thing is,” he started, gently pulling her closer to him, “I’m in love with someone I shouldn’t be in love with. Or at least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the past few months. But now, I’m not so sure. That it’s wrong, I mean.” He had to work to keep his voice steady.

He could see that she was unable to speak. “Haven’t you always wondered what it’s like to be kissed in the rain?” he asked. As he spoke, there was a flash of lighting and a rumble of thunder, and they both looked up at the sky. When they looked at each other again, he was smiling, the very same smile that made her go weak in the knees.

She could barely breathe, but she managed to find her voice. “Yeah, I’ve always wondered about that.” She didn’t care to find out what the thunder meant.

Without either of them realizing it, they’d slowly drifted closer and closer together until she could feel his breath on her lips, which were only centimeters apart from his own.

When their lips finally met, she couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief, as if she’d been holding her breath since their first almost-kiss.

This time, he didn’t jump back. Instead, he pulled her closer, never wanting to let her go. The first mistake had been letting her walk away.

The second mistake had been taking so long to realize he’d made a mistake in the first place. He knew now that he’d been absolutely wrong. Everything about them was right. Them being together was right, and he planned to keep it that way.

So I have a question. Mainly for everyone that's read and seen Twilight (or at least read the books and seen the actors in Twilight).

I guess I can start by asking, did Robert Pattinson make a good Edward? Because for me, Robert is almost exactly how I pictured Edward in my mind as I was reading, and I read the book before I knew there was gonna be a movie. Or like my friend said, she didn't really have a face for him, just saw "vauge shadows", so if that's what I saw, then Robert looked creepily like those shadows.

Just wanted someone else's opinion.

Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing about the movie. I mean, there are some scenes from the book I wished had been in the movie, but you can only make a movie so long, and a book is usually twice as long as that.

While I'm on the subject of Twilight, I put all four books on my Christmas list. Somehow I found Twilight at the library on Saturday, and I just finished reading it for the second time today.

I have to say, this book is practically changing lives. Like my friend, who's definitely NOT a reading type person, read it in a few days, and she's on the fourth book already. My mom is actually thinking about reading it.

I'm writing a sequel to this, but here's the first one.

Their faces were only inches apart. She was holding her breath, hoping this wasn’t another dream. Of course, she knew, it couldn’t be. He was way too real for this to be a dream.

He found himself hypnotized by her gaze, even though he knew he shouldn’t be. In the short amount of time he’d known her, she’d become his everything. She was his every thought, his every dream, his every breath. Of course, there were other things he thought of. But she was always there, in the back of his mind.

She tried to calm her nerves as their lips brushed the tiniest bit. It was all she could do to keep from just kissing him.

They both closed their eyes at the same time.

He jumped back suddenly, turning away from her, unable to look her in the eye.

She wondered what she’d done wrong. Did her breath smell? Should she have just kissed him instead of letting him decide what happened? She didn’t know whether that even qualified as a kiss; their lips barely touched.

“Um, that, really shouldn’t have happened,” he mumbled, blushing. He couldn’t believe he’d ever let anything like that happen.

“Yeah…no, you’re totally right,” she replied, mustering up an unconvincing half smile. They were both avoiding each other’s eyes, but she longed to look at his face, wanting to know what emotion he was feeling. “That…that was…wrong.” She could barely say the words.

She wanted to believe it was wrong, but at that moment all she wanted was to tell him everything she felt, and for him to feel the same way. Obviously that wasn’t going to happen now.

She took a couple steps away from him, to his relief. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have-” she started to say, but he interrupted her.

“No, no, don’t be sorry. Its all my fault.” He truly believed it was all his own fault, and that she was completely innocent. She would always be innocent; at least when it came back to this particular incident, and he knew why.

Although he denied it constantly, he knew at that moment in time he was in love with her. But it was wrong, and he knew it. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself fall in love with her, but as they spent more time together, he found himself sinking deeper and deeper until he was in a hole so deep he’d never get out. Every minute spent with her was like a poison, but instead of it ruining his own life, he knew it would ruin hers. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, do that to her.

She’d find someone else to fall in love with, someone that was right for her in every way. It would kill him to know she’d fallen for someone else, but he had to accept it; for her.

And eventually, in time, he could get over her and find someone else. He pushed aside the fear that no one else would ever measure up; he couldn’t think like that, otherwise no one could measure up.

As she walked out the door, his heart broke with every step she took. But he held himself together, because he couldn’t let her know. He couldn’t let her know that he loved her, because nothing about them could be right.

I haven't been on here in a while. Wow. But anyways, the reason I logged in was to post these two short story things I wrote. One can barely be called a short story because its only 6 paragraphs long, but whatever. We'll start with Smile.

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“Come on, I want to know the most physically attractive thing about me,” he said to her with a teasing grin.

She sighed, with a slight smile gracing her face. “Okay, she told him. “Your smile.”

He cocked his head thoughtfully. “Really?”

She nodded shyly. “It sounds cheesy, but you’re one of those people whose face lights up when you smile, a real smile. You can just see the joy on your face, and I wish I could explain it better so you can know how lucky I feel when your smile is for me or about me.

He was silent as this sank in. She’d described it so beautifully that he couldn’t help but wonder if she saw the same thing that he saw when he looked in the mirror. But maybe the only time he saw his own smile was when it was fake, like in a photo. He whispered three small words as he leaned in to kiss her. He put all the love he could into that one kiss.

She wouldn’t say it, but her worst fear was that one day that smile that meant so much to her would be the cause of someone else.

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Okay, and here's The Same Thing. I've been thinking about relationships with age gaps recently and this randomly came to mind (at the same time as Smile, actually) one night. I might even make it a longer, chaptered story, but doubt I'll give the characters names. I think it'd be fun to write a story without mentioning names.

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“Why does the same thing come out of your mouth every time we fight?” He was close to tears, he was so hurt and angry.

She rarely saw him angry. He was normally so kind and loving toward her, it broke her heart to see him like this. “Because age is a big issue with me!” she screamed back at him. “I’m the one who keeps saying relationships with big age gaps usually don’t work out.” With every word, her voice lost volume.

He stopped pacing and finally took a good look at her. With the dark circles under her normally sparkling brown eyes, he could tell she’d been worrying about this a lot. His anger quickly turned to concern when he realized just how much of an issue this really was for her. “Maybe we’re one of the ones that will work out,” he said softly.

She looked at him, tears filling her eyes but not quite spilling. “But it’s so much more than that. There are so many problems with our being in a relationship.” She didn’t know how much longer the tears would stay back, but she took a breath and pushed on. “How am I supposed to tell my family? They’re not going to approve. And what about the rest of the world? I still feel like a teenage girl in love with a man out of my league.”

Her words stung more than he expected them to. All he wanted was for her to be able to see past all the problems and just love him. “For one,” he told her, “Your parents love me. And they’re not going to care how far apart in age we are, as long as you’re happy. And who cares what the world thinks? There are twenty-somethings dating fifty-somethings. It’s a messed-up world and we don’t have to be apart of it.” He walked over and took her hand. “But you’re forgetting the most important reason for why we will work out.”

She dried her eyes. “What’s that?”

“We’ve got love and God on our side. You’ve repeatedly asked God if He made us for each other, and He’s repeatedly told you yes. But tell me that you just don’t want to be with me anymore, and I’ll go. I’ll never bother you again.”

Her tears finally fell, though silent. She answered his request by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him, ridding herself of all the negativity and fear she’d built up in the past few months. They were both left with feeling nothing but joy.